Exhibit A:

Diesel has a new line of watches called, and I kid you not: SuperBadAss. Based on this horseshoe shaped metal monstrosity I would venture SuperDumbAss would be a more appropriate name. [via Boing Boing)

Exhibit B:

I take it back, clearly this is hands down the gayer of the two. Peter Andre’s got Flava!

If you added bacon to this you’d have something Americans would really go for!

I know a certain pig who will NOT be pleased.

My opinion of Allan didn’t appear to be held by the majority. The others in the audience seemed to hoot and holler and immensely appreciate the time they were spending with him. They got free t-shirts and often stood up to individually to show off their own special talents. After watching a young British spectator fold her ears back I found myself longing for the sophistication of Barnum and Bailey. If I wanted to see a side show I would go to the circus. By the time Allan began prank calling people’s elderly grandmothers the whole event had devolved into chaos.

In between Allan’s performances, the cast and crew of Rita Rocks filled our time with the taping of a television show. They dutifully performed their scenes and the audience dutifully laughed when prompted. Basically, we were being used for the live laugh-track they were recording and were often encouraged to laugh at the same jokes over and over again. This was a task I detested, but again, I seemed to be in the minority on this. The rest of the studio audience seemed all too happy to generate fake laughter on command. They were incredibly eager to do their part to make art; the problem is, we weren’t being paid for our role in this production. Someone call AGVA (American Guild of Variety Artists) because I think we need a contract.

All told we spent about 40 minutes total with Rita and much more time with the warm-up comedian. To say the event was misrepresented would be a gross understatement. I suppose there is a reason Allan has the job he does and it’s clear he won’t be getting a one-man show anytime soon. Oh wait, he already has one, you can catch his live show Friday nights in Studio City on Stage 13. The tickets are free but the cost to your soul is incalculable.