I can’t move away from here. I like it. I have a hair dresser and a mechanic so it’s official, I’m in for the long haul. But oh how I long to be closer with my Seattle family. My mom is threatening to move here again – I really wish she would – but I kinda don’t believe her. She threatens to move every year and so far she’s a no-show. She always finds an excuse to delay or change her mind or some such thing – and I totally get it. Change is hard and moving your life is a huge deal – I mean, it wasn’t just two sentences back I said I was in for the long haul so I completely understand.

Frankly I wish they were all near by. I have all these awesome siblings I never see and a couple I never (and I do mean never) even talk to: I have a brother (of sorts) in Portland and he ignored me on Facebook. Ouch. Dick.

Ayhoo I am just the littlest bit lonely. I need some friends or family that I am close too that at least live remotely near by. I always look forward to visits from the G’monts or the sibs and ‘rents and my shlister-in-law. I am not due for a visit from any of them for a long time. Suck.

As we all know, the world revolves around me, so would you people please get off your lovely asses and come and visit moi? That includes you Matty and Katie and Chris and Dylon (who won’t even acknowledge I exist – what a d-bag). Get a move-on.

kthxb.

This list of the 10 greatest mall set action sequences in the history of film, is pretty good. The inclusion of Eight Legged Freaks (a supreme guilty pleasure), Back to the Future and Dawn of the Dead make me quite happy. However, the rest don’t do too much for me… and the number one pick is just down right baffling.

Question? Where was Paul Blart: Mall Cop? Why wasn’t it on the list? For the record, PB:MC, which more than surpasses its title, is worth a look. Roger Ebert says the PG-rated film is “as slam-bang preposterous as any R-rated comedy you can name. It’s just that Paul Blart and the film’s other characters don’t feel the need to use the f-word as the building block of every sentence. They rely on the rest of the English language, which proves adequate.”

Both Jane and I agree, it’s sweet and unreasonably funny. Wow I really went down a rabbit hole on this post. I started with a link to a top ten list and ended pleading my case for a movie that most people would rather not see. What can I say, I may not have a PhD in film but I know what I like.

Jane (his wife) mentioned in passing the other day that I had seven (count them, seven) different parents involved in my life. This includes step, and adopted and biological and so on. Holy crap! I don’t think I ever counted them before. But seven is the correct number and all of them have had varying degrees of impact on my life. Mostly, but not always, positive.

Two of them surface more often than others: the mothers (queue dramatic theme music). Next would be my three dads (if I wrote a sitcom based on these men’s involvement in my life, it would be five minutes long and could only be aired on Showtime – and even then I’m not sure they’d allow it). Finally there are the step-biological parents; what ever that means.

Confused? You should see my tangental family tree of dotted lines a loop-dee-loops when we start to evaluate my seven (yes there are also seven) siblings. Alas that’s a story for another time…

This is revolting. Don’t click here – Not Suitable For Work! So if you are a parent and/or sibling of mine I beg you in all seriousness… don’t do it. It’s along the lines of Two Girls One Cup or the Goatse memes. It is not for the faint of heart (or stomach). Yuk.

Now that we have that out of the way, the rest of yous should click away!

Barf!

Sign the petition…

I promise….

The city within a city…

Queue the LA Law theme…

I have resisted MySpace and Facebook for years. Back when the internet was young, I was linked into IRC and Yahoo groups and such but I could never bring myself to sign up for the audio-visual assault that was MySpace.

Today I cracked – I now have a Facebook profile. Sigh.

I’ve barely been signed up for twelve hours and people who I haven’t fucked talked to in years have come crawling out of the woodwork. It’s been a refreshing trip down memory lane. Here’s a few of my favorite reconnections:

• Nick… Oh Nick…. My long-term crush object is one of my favorite people to make out with. Heck, I still wanna make out with him. He also has the special distinction of being the only person I have injured myself having sex with. A groin injury that made me walk funny for days. Good times.
• Gene… Dear Lord he’s a blast from the past. Gene was the first person I ever met that I knew for sure was gay – mainly because I was sucking his dick. He also has the special distinction of being the first person I ever had sex with. Again, I was walking funny for days. Ah, memories.
• June… The librarian from my high school! Finally someone on this list I didn’t have sex with. She was a wacky lady who was super creative. She had such a positive impact on me as a student and person in general. She set a great example of how to live life without boundaries. Luckily for me, I had the privilege of being her student for 4 years.

What an amusing day. Of course there were tons more connections, some more fruitful than others. Can you believe my ex-girlfriend’s mother is the one who convinced me to sign up? Yeah, me neither.

I still refuse to be a part of MySpace though… maybe after Rupert M. kicks-off I’ll reconsider. Shouldn’t be too long right? What is he, like a 143 or something?

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Check out RuPaul’s new video. Oddly, it’s inspired by those really funky Japanese YouTube videos featuring Billy Herrington and the disembodied baby heads. I loves it!

The video while not specifically pornographic is NSFW.

She’s till workin’ it.

It never ceases to amaze me what idiot-guys will allow themselves to be photographed doing. Where is Joe Francis when you need him?

Ever so slightly NSFW – Click at Your Own Risk

Reposted from http://objustanotherday.blogspot.com/

Could these kids be any gayer?

Cheesy Smoked Turkey and Banana Casserole – aka Tropical Heart Attack Casserole

Ingredients

• Butter
• 12-14 slices white bread (with no crusts)
• 8-10 large slices deli sliced smoked turkey
• 4 bananas, sliced on the bias (make sure the bananas are not too ripe)
• 2 cups shredded Sharp Cheddar
• 2 cups crushed regular potato chips (measure first, then crush)
• 6 slices cooked and crumbled bacon
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup 2% milk
• 1 cup cream (not half & half – real cream)
• Pinch freshly grated nutmeg
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper
• Splash of Worcestershire sauce

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Butter a 9 by 13 glass baking dish. Butter both sides of the crustless bread and layer approximately 6 of them into the bottom of the baking dish, overlapping them as necessary but keep them even. Layer the slices of smoked turkey on top of the bread, then splash some Worcestershire on top of the turkey, then layer the bananas and finally 6 more slices of bread, then the cheese, potato chips, and bacon. In a separate bowl, beat together the eggs, milk, cream, nutmeg, salt, and pepper. Pour this over the casserole almost to the top. Bake for 45 minutes until brown and bubbly. Let setup for 10 minutes then cut into squares and remove with a spatula, like lasagna. Prepare to have your mind altered, your taste buds titillated and you life changed for the better. Enjoy!

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Here’s Right Said Fred’s new single, I’m a Celebrity. It’s kinda catchy… Enjoy!

Annnnnnnd here they are in a recent interview on Fox News (of all places). They were incredibly good sports…

http://www.foxnews.com/video/index.html?playerId=videolandingpage&streamingFormat=FLASH&referralObject=3805041&referralPlaylistId=playlist

Oki Dokie then.

Stephen King’s It is heading to the big screen. A remake of a miniseries from the 90s. Hawt. Actually, the first part of the mini series, the part with the kids, is quite good. The part with John Ritter however, is unforgivably bad.

Howard the Duck has finally arrived on DVD. Rejoice!

Don’t recall why you should want to own this?
Here are 10 Defenses for Howard the Duck.
Oooooh Ducky…

Delicious Muppetey Goodness!

A blast from the past…

I wonder if they have crab legs?